26 Apr Be Strong And Courageous… … Against The Enemies
26 Apr 2022
I came back from Jakarta. I had expected strong attacks from enemy in Jakarta but there weren’t any.
Few days after I came back, started to feel stuck and weak with the demands of work. I recognised the weakness and leaned in to Joshua. In particular I wanted to go deeper in the book of Joshua and found a series by Ps Gary Hamrick from Cornerstone Chapel on Joshua. May God help me be strong and courageous in this battle.
4 May 2022
The sense of weakness and being stucked came on and off.
I just felt really tired of this wilderness journey. Suddenly this sense that I have gotten no where in life came over me. I thought of giving up on this journey and even started browsing for jobs. When I browsed jobs for the first time in this journey, I just felt like I no longer qualify for those old jobs anyway as I’ve been out of action for too long. I felt like these 2 years of wilderness had taken “everything” away from me.
And then I turned my gaze upon Jesus and He kept me going.
This cycle of spiritual attacks in the form of despair, followed by to will myself to look to Jesus came a few times over a few days.
There is a sense of being so tired and lonely of this thing called “life”. Yet just like Jonah, I don’t sense I can go anyway. I even asked Jesus if He would bring me home. That’s the only place I can go to, in a sense.
It’s dark, I’m weak and I’m tired and stuck.
And then I gaze at Jesus.
I started more small quarrels with wife. Wife was under her own attacks. She got upset over something I said and decided she is going to look for jobs. This wilderness journey is too much for us to bear. When she left home, I didn’t say a word, went into the room and spent time with Jesus. I worshipped and fell asleep. I saw the words in capital letters in my half-asleep mode: [HELP]. In my sleep I just prayed Jesus help, Jesus help.
I woke up and the worship song playing on my phone was “The battle belongs to the Lord”
I use the little strength that I had and got on my feet. I worshipped God and came face to face with Satan again. I spoke the truth to Satan, “I am not afraid of you Satan, you have lost the battle when Jesus was crucified and resurrected. I remind you Satan that You have lost. I carry the authority of Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit. And I will fight you Satan in truth (scripture) and in Spirit. I prayed in tongues for warfare. The next 2 songs that came on were also about warfare and I continued fighting Satan face to face.
The next song that came up was “No Limits” by Harborside Music. God is saying to me that there is no limitations to what He can and will do.
God restored my strength and the cloud of darkness caused by Satan was gone.
My wife came back and was also peaceful and happy. She had fought her own battle and we broke through once again.
I continued studying the book of Joshua. In particular about how to be strong and courageous. The way is to stay in God’s presence “for I am with you and have gone before you”.
I sensed that God is saying we are at Joshua 6 now. We are at the stage between Gilgal and Jericho. And I studied Joshua 6.
During Sunday service, an elder was giving a Spirit led message and he is speaking about Joshua 6. For us to sanctify ourselves while waiting in obedience for God to do His work.
6 May 2022
After company worship, God led colleague to ask if there’s something bothering me. Well there isn’t anything bothering me but this opened a channel for me to share my struggles. At one point, I teared from the tiredness. I’m really tired. I always describe it as a soldier being in battle for years and it’s tiring. I feel like a soldier with torn clothes and a tired soul. I thank God for sending someone who understands to fellowship with me.