Overwhelmed And Lonely

6 Sep 2021

Week ended with me exhausted mentally and spiritually. The demands on me are heavy. From work and ministry.

Sean reminded me: “God can do the impossible right?” Sunday was much better except my laptop suddenly died.

Sunday worship at church service ministered and refreshed me.

7 Sep 2021

My laptop suddenly died when we are down to last dollars. I didn’t know how to proceed. Most laptops require 5 weeks to ship (covid supply chain issues). Can’t get installment to preserve our last dollars too. Feeling very down.. No help, no money, now my laptop died. How to do anything for you, Lord?

By Monday, God provided a solution as I cry out to Him.

At wife’s nudging, we went to Funan and stumbled upon a great deal, they even gave us a smart clock and tablet as free gift, by Monday night I can continue working. Praise God.

18 Sep 2021

Super overwhelmed by all the demands on me. It also feels like I’m alone in this whole thing, that after close to two years, we have done “nothing”. That everything is so difficult, without money without people.

Cry out the whole night to God, Even in my sleep I was crying out. In my half sleep I meditated on Be still and know that I’m God, on Be strong and courageous, do not be dismayed and discouraged for God your Lord is with you and had gone before you. Also on david’s prayer, On my soul why are you downcast? Rejoice in the Lord, creator of heaven and earth.

I kept commanding my soul to lean in to the Holy Spirit.

20 Sep 2021

Went for my Alliance for action final pitch, thank God for sustaining, it went well. Reached out to my Adults ministry core team to step down. Praying on it.

Morning prayers God ministered to me. In tears.

Feels very lonely in this journey. Yes Jesus is with me. I’m clinging on to that. The flesh struggles with feeling helpless, lonely, over burdened by demands on me. Sometimes I wish God would bring my home and my race is over.

12 Nov 2021

Super tired. So many things to do, no financial stability, no manpower, no money. Alone at home, crying and sobbing to God. At night I’m exhausted. I told God I can’t go on anymore.

I woke up much better, God’s grace always sustains me.

I feel like I’m at a stage where if I’m at Gilgal, I look at Jericho and the tall walls, I know in my mind and even to a large extent my heart believes that the walls will come down.

At Gilgal, I feel like I’m with meat, only veggies. The soldiers all left. I’m alone (with God).. I need to plant my own veggies, sharpen my weapon, recruit soldiers. Some people walk by and walked away, some offer worldly views etc. I feel very tired and the wait is “long’. The years are short but the days are long. The world says I need to go up the wall and fight. I do not have soldiers nor weapons. I know I need to wait on God. And I need to do everything myself now. This is where I am. The testing and trying of faith and patience continues. It’s tough, very tough.

Today God ministered to me through a song.

Every teardrop He knows. and for these teardrops He died. Oh Lord.

8 Aug 2022

A fellow prayer warrior, whom I saw as my “timothy” no longer travels with us on this journey and when this happens it can feel very lonely. It’s like co-runner on a marathon drops out. Well, keep my eyes on Jesus.

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